The Nookie Pages:
Lookie . . .More Nookie
If you are truly kitchen impaired, like you don’t know the difference between a spoon and a fork, don’t worry. She isn’t with you because she thinks you are a great chef. She is with you for all of the other talents you posses!<wink, wink> Good for you!
Since I understand that you might have some opinions about what I am saying. Grab a martini (water or whatever you wish) and join the conversation. Please ask me anything, make some blog suggestions or give me advice from your experience.
What is a Nookie Cooker?
We all know men and women come from different planets and have
very different needs. After all, we were created to compliment
each other not be just like each other. Our culture exploits
our differences and offers a variety of exerted tools to
understand the in depth needs of each other. But rarely do we
see easy solutions or a basic understanding to the complexity
of our difference.
The question that seems to linger is how do we gain the
ability to accept the differences and still get what we want?
The couples most often discussed are the ones with deep issues
since there is something to talk about. But we rarely, if ever,
hear about the normal couple out there. You know who they
are. They are relatively happy, maybe content is a better word,
but stuck in their routine. They go to work, come home, eat
dinner, make sure the kids are taken care of and watch their
shows. (Pause for YAWN) These are the
same couples who started off in a jack rabbit race completely
motivated by primal urges and couldn’t keep their hands off
each other. But somehow once the coupling began, sex got put on
the “to do” list similar to taking out the trash and walking
the dog. It’s sad, but it happens to the best of us.
But, what happened - exactly? We don’t want the passion to
fade, after all nookie is one of the most important ingredients
to coupling, it is the anchor to the intimacy we share.
Nonetheless, it is a question that has plagued many
psychologists and authors I have read. But without full
insight, the mainstream solution to a couple’s decelerated sex
life focuses solely on the bedroom. Solving the bedroom issues
is simply a symptom to the overall problem and doesn’t pay
attention to the most significant detail that a
woman’s sexual desire is in
her head, not in bed. (read that, write it
down - do what you have to so you remember that. We will never
get anywhere if you forget that piece of advice.)
If
you are reading this. . . you probably already know this. But
the cycle seems to take place in every relationship, we can
sense the warning signs so we attempt to fix it by buying a
little lingerie, take a vacation (vacation nookie is the best)
or buy a book about 365 days of great sexual positions that no
one ever finishes. But after few attempts of recreating the
lost passion and in the face of defeat, couples seem to accept
the following questions as the natural evolution of "coupling"
–
Men: “What
happened? In the beginning we had sex several times a day, it
was incredible. Now I’m lucky if we can squeeze it in weekly. I
try. I took her out to her favorite restaurant and bought her
flowers, but that only lasted one day. I have no idea what
she20wants from me.”
Women: “I
have two kids, a stressful job, a family member in the hospital
and a house to take care of – when it is time for bed, I just
want to sleep. Why doesn’t he understand that?”
Scenarios aside, every male who has been coupled has made the statement, “I have no idea what she wants from me.” And every woman has exclaimed, “Why doesn’t he understand?”
On this site and
blog, I am not going to delve into the psychological depths
of understanding gender needs; there are plenty of books
discussing the many facets of gender issues (check out my
reading room for some of my favorites). But, I have to tell you
that the majority of the books in print focus on creating an
understanding between the sexes. The theory is that by creating
an understanding it will breed acceptance (uh, yeah ok!).
Though I agree with the theory, in practice, the majority of us
aren’t able to get our PhD in relationships solely to
understand what our significant other is saying at the dinner
table.
Simply put, if someone is speaking a foreign language to you,
you understand that they are speaking because you see their
mouth moving and you hear noise coming out of their mouth. But
you really do not understand what they are saying. (Kind
of like how Charlie Brown hears his teacher. . . wa,wa,wa,wa,wa)
The only way to really understand is to study that language,
maybe even live in their country for a year.
The point of Cooking for Nookie is to take the fast food
approach to the language of relationships and give simple
solutions to help both men and women get what they want. . .
For the woman, it’s about getting
her out of her head.
For the man, it’s about getting her into bed! (Yeah, men are going to have to do most the work – but look at the prize. Can I get a, Woot Woot!)
For the man, it’s about getting her into bed! (Yeah, men are going to have to do most the work – but look at the prize. Can I get a, Woot Woot!)
