I don’t want to betray my gender, but women are crazy. Not to the derogatory meaning behind the word, and don’t ever call her that, but if you’ve ever seen that movie with that actor that can hear women’s thoughts, it is no joke. Men have the great ability to simply turn off the sounds of life. When men are at work, they are at work. Maybe sometimes they are on the golf course or at the football game, but generally at work. Sounds simple, huh’? I have heard it called compartmentalizing. Most women call it lucky and almost confusing.

 

Women are opposite. We are efficient jugglers in life. In any given moment, if you were to somehow tap into a woman’s brain you would hear the overlapping sounds of every issue going on in her life, her families lives, her friends , your friends, your family, work, the news, the kids. . . well, just about everything. We don’t do it on purpose, in fact, we long for turning the noise off. But the truth is that while men might have thoughts of everything, each thought is seemingly independent of each other. Men are more wired for the THE task. Conversely, a woman is thinking about all of the tasks with overlapping thoughts.

 

Here is a tiny glimpse of a woman’s brain: (you don't wanna live here)

 

Wednesday Morning: While at work efficiently thinking about the report that is due, your lovely (referred to as “she”) is also making a mental check list for the in-laws imminent visit, when the dog needs its next shot, things she can do to increase her child’s development, what she should make for dinner. Then the silver bullet rises to the top and her mind switches gear to think about the conversation she had with you last nigh and how you got quiet towards the end. Then she begins to wonder if there is anything wrong. . . or what was said that made you quiet? Maybe you were simply a little tired. Then it’s back to dinner because little Sally got a letter from the school suggesting she needs to eat more vegetables. Maybe she should call one of her council (aka – the girlfriends that listen) to see what they think about you getting quiet? Whoops, she needs to finish this report before 2pm or her boss is going to kill her and the way things are with the economy, and Grandma in the hospital with Alzheimer’s, it really isn’t worth the risk. Wait, did her boss (Mr. Smarty Pants who thinks its ok to take credit for her work) want that report done in Excel?

 

. . . Yes, I know. . . Scary, huh’?  I wish I was kidding. Why do you think women go to the spa, do yoga classes, and even meditate? It’s for the few minutes we are desperately attempting to turn down life’s volume.

 

So at the end of the day when dinner is finished, the dishes are done, the baby has been bathed and gone to sleep, the phone has finally stopped ringing, the computer has been turned off and we can finally relax. You, being the incredibly sexy man she married, turn off the lights and suggestively walk over to your beautiful wife as she lays her sweet head on the comfortable pillow. You gently start to kiss her neck and slowly give her a back rub. While your head is clear and ready for a little nookie… she’s wondering if you took the trash out because last week the garbage man skipped your house and little Sally is allergic to mold.

 

So you roll over feeling rejected and frustrated, wondering what happened to the girl you met. She was free and always willing. She used to be such a sexual person (or, at very least, interested) but now it takes an act of God, the therapist, or you to apply some pressure to get her to submit. So with a big sigh and the little missing of the good ole days you settle for some midnight skinemax when she’s asleep.  Neither of you are satisfied but both of you are wondering, what the heck happened to us?

 

The simple answer is . . .  Life.   The more she has piled in to her brain, the less likely you’ll be getting that nookie you both long for. Men are simple, oh – don’t take offense. You know it’s true. All a woman has to do is run her finger through her hair and you go from 6 to 12, it rarely matters what else is going on.